GRATITUDE.....

Happy New Year! I know..I know…it’s been a while since I have written. Unfortunately, I felt I had  nothing to write about. Same old issues… My Saudi students remain Saudi Students. Where is my life going? I never get what I want when I want it… I want to be a millionaire…Why am I not Secretary of State…and the list goes on.

Then all of a sudden it was December.  Remember I am in Saudi Arabia and they don’t “do” Christmas in Saudi.  No music, no decorations and no warm fuzzy holiday feelings. And to top it all off, with December 25^th looming 25 people, the majority being children under 10, were  murdered in Connecticut. After that tragedy, and the constraints of end of semester obligations, I fell into deep despair.

Christmas came and went, (yes I worked on Christmas day) but there were highlights. One of my co-workers gave me a candy cane and that made all the difference in the world. Thanks Sarah!

New Year’s, which is my favorite holiday, disappointed me. I was disappointed in myself more so than the Holiday. For some reason I couldn't get into the swing of my annual New Year’s traditions…cleaning house (both literally and figuratively)…making specific goals… having the strong drive and determinations to make those goals/dreams come true…and getting together with like minded individuals for a low-key  but inspiring time. I think cried. If I didn't, I really wanted to.

During the first week of the New  Year I found out that a very good friend’s mom passed away. I was sad because I couldn't be there for him. Sometimes when you’re dealing with tragedy having an intimate friend close by is like getting a candy cane in Saudi Arabia on Christmas day. It makes all the difference in the world.

Also during the first week of 2013, the same feelings of “I’m not where I want to be in my life" kept popping up. This frustrated me. The more frustrated I became, the more I lost my focus. The more I lost my focus, the more frustrated I became. Sound familiar?

Then suddenly a remark made after a confrontation I had with one of the other teachers woke me up. I found the remark very insulting, but after deep contemplation embroiled with humiliation and pain, I realized that the person who made the remark (not the teacher I had the conflict with) was telling me how she saw the world…irrespective of whether the comment was true or not. In other words, her remarks didn't matter, first because they were not true and second because she was expressing her own insecurities irrespective of what was really true. For the first time in weeks, I felt liberated.  I felt liberated  because I had been chanting to attract persons of intelligence, integrity, strong character into my life, and I realized that this person and some of my other cohorts were the complete antithesis of this. If anything their negativity, immaturity, selfishness and lack of drive to create miraculous things in their lives was consuming me and thus all I did was focus on the negative, the past and  the "what isn't" when I was with them.  It was never about going forward and succeeding. It was always about obstacles and what should be. Please congratulate me! I had the great fortune of removing myself from that situation yesterday. I removed myself, not because of them, but because of me.  I had to back-off because I lost my focus when I was with them. My energy became scattered and thus all dreams and plans became tenuous. Nothing was real anymore. Everything became a “maybe" or “what if”?

I’m feeling much better now. I can hear myself think, and I am beginning to connect with my heart again in order to follow the correct path to fulfill  my mission.

Once I became myself again, (today) I was consumed with gratitude. Gratitude that I didn't have previously because I was focusing on the “what isn't”.

What I am grateful for?…I am grateful for my friends. My true friends. The ones who understand me. The ones who respect me and the ones that don’t judge me. I am grateful that I am a well educated woman. Many women world-wide covet my knowledge and my skills and as such I should not take them for granted. I am grateful for my family and other people who love me unconditionally. I am grateful that although, my journey has been slow and sometimes marred with obstacles, that I am making my dreams come true.  I am grateful that I am starting to seriously take my well-being into consideration. Last, I am grateful for having had the opportunity to live and work in Saudi Arabia.  Not many people, especially women last here, but my year is almost over and I have definitely made strides in my  career, personal development and my relationships with others. I've become more tolerant and have affirmed that my well-being (physical, financial, etc.), being true to myself and to my dreams are the best gifts that I can give myself.

Until next time,

Alex

JORDAN

September started off with a bang! Classes started, new students, and I had to leave Saudi in order to renew my visa. I am fortunate that I was able to renew in Jordan.

Jordan was a welcome change. The people there are warm, friendly, kind, and  polite. There is no gender segregation, so I actually flirted for the first time in months. After being in Saudi, I sincerely thought that I had lost it. Nope! Alex still has it!

Folks it gets better... there are liquor stores and movie theaters. I didn't see a movie, but I did frequent the liquor store. I did not have to wear an abaya, and women have the right to drive. Did some sightseeing and ate at some really good restaurants. I had Armenian Food for the first time. That restaurant was awesome. I was quite comfortable there, but it was business and not pleasure, and  getting my visa and heading back to my students and my belongings weighed heavy on my mind.

I am happy that I did make it back after nine days, but while there I realized all that I was missing.  I miss my freedom.  I miss the unalienable right to be me. The ability to "hang out with the girls" without thinking about my gender or my nationality. While there, I met a gentleman who used to live in Philadelphia. He is Jordanian and owns a restaurant-"Planet Hollywood" in Jordan.  Surprisingly it wasn't the fact that I  met someone who used to live in Philly that tickled me. What tickled me, or what touched me the most, was that I was able to have a conversation with a male without feeling that I was being judged or that  being addressed by him was a necessary evil that he had to endure in order complete some task or another. I felt human again. I was somewhere where my intelligence, my smile, and my desires all mattered. I mattered.......and that my friends gave me the strength to endure.

Until next time,
Alex

IT'S PRAYER TIME...

BEING IN SAUDI ARABIA AWKWARD MOMENT NO. 5-  ...When you suddenly have to  rush to the store and it’s scorching outside.  You’re half way there and realize that all businesses are closed because it’s prayer time.

BEING IN SAUDI ARABIA AWKWARD MOMENT NO 6- You finally memorize the prayer schedule... You suddenly have to rush to the store and it’s scorching outside. You’re half way there and realize that all businesses are closed until sundown because it’s Ramadan.

…..welcome to Alex’s world!

Until next time,

Alex

IT'S QUIET HERE

...Going into the third week Ramadan.  During Ramadan Saudi Arabia becomes a night culture. Muslims fast and sleep during the day and activities resume after sun down until the wee hours of the morning. Most malls are open until 3:00 AM. Unfortunately for me, I had a hard time getting my body to adjust to the local time when I came back from the States, as such, I remain a day person in a night culture. Yes, it can be very frustrating.

Nothing happening at KSU. Non-KSU teachers were not assigned any classes, so basically all non-KSU instructors chill during the day, unless we have to substitute or proctor.  I CAN"T WAIT TO GET BACK TO  PNU!.

Insights... I really believe I have become immune to the constraints associated with living here. My attitude most of the time now is "oh well". Best survival mechanism ever. Am I still trying to make an impact? Of course! However,  now I see all obstacle as what they really are..a manifestation of my presence in a foreign culture. As such, nothing is taken too personally and it's so much easier to trudge along.

I'm Back!

I was home, the U.S., from June 12 until July 9^th.  It was busy, but  a lot was accomplished. I moved.  I finished my continuing legal education requirements, got published and most of all I saw and hung out with some wonderful friends. Unfortunately I did not have an opportunity to visit with friends in NYC.  However, my next visit home will be dedicated solely to them.

I’m back in Saudi. It’s hot! Terribly hot! I am on standby to teach summer school at King Saud University (KSU). This means that I go to work every day, and if an extra hand is needed one of the Princess Nora teachers is asked to cover.  Otherwise I read, research, talk, laugh and get to know the other brave women who have also embarked on this Saudi journey.

Ramadan starts on the 20^th of July and ends on the 20^th of August. During this period Muslims fast (no food, water or other beverages) from dawn until sunset.  Ramadan is a time for cleansing both the body and the soul. From what I have been told everything during this period happens after sunset-food, drink, shopping, etc. Our students are required to come to school, but school hours have been reduced.

Although I am not Muslim, I plan to take this time, and I have plenty of it, to reflect on and make some firm determinations concerning my immediate future. We all know that time flies, and very soon I have to start taking action as to what exactly I want to do and where I want to do it.

Ramadan is also going to be a challenge because I have to keep in mind that everyone around me can’t eat and drink as they please.  Most stores will only open after sundown, therefore I have to plan my grocery shopping and junk food runs accordingly.

Am I happy to back? I really can’t say.  All I know is that I have accomplished significant goals, both conspicuous and inconspicuous since February. And as such, I sincerely appreciate the journey.

Until next time,

Alex

INCONSPICOUSLY CONSPICOUS

Let me apologize. I haven’t written in a while, but I was gathering the courage and the wisdom to talk about this subject- the all too familiar gender segregation in Saudi Arabia.

First and foremost I want to start by saying that I have high reverence for the Muslim Religion.  I know firsthand the kindness and compassion that is espoused by the Quran. As for culture, I believe that it is relative. People have to adapt, and as such so do their political, religious and social mores. That adaption isn’t always favorable to me, an independent, ambitious, loud mouth, Western Attorney, but I have to accept various cultural norms especially if I have made a conscious choice to be on their terrain.

Gender segregation in Saudi Arabia is exactly what it expresses.  The sexes, male and female, are to remain separate in social gatherings, education, places of work, especially government, restaurants and other public accommodations. This means  that when you visit the mall and you want fries from McDonald’s, there are two distinct lines.  One line is the male only line the other line is the family section line, which serves primarily women and their children. When it’s time to eat those fries, there are two distinct seating areas one for single men and the other for families. 

I experienced the sting of gender segregation in mid-April. I was at a lecture in downtown Riyadh.  The men were seated on one side of the room, and the women on the other. There were fewer men, but their section took up three-fourths of the seating arrangements. We as women were crowded together in the rest of the space and there was a partition separating us. The podium, of course, was on the male side. There were many dignitaries present, both Saudi and American, and I being the ambitious little vixen that I am decided that I was going to network and put my name and qualifications “out there” after the lecture.   It never dawned on me that we as women would be whisked away to a smaller dining room and we would have to eat our meals separate from the men.  The buffet was marvelous, but as I was eating my meal I had one of my famous epiphanies – I could never really advance here as a women because I did not have access to the “powers that be”-the men. Then it dawned on me, yet again, if I did gain access would they even entertain me and acknowledge my credentials? After this experience my perception of my existence in Saudi Arabia changed completely.

As a woman, living and working in Saudi Arabia, especially a foreign woman, my value and importance are insignificant.   Most men in Saudi, including many foreigners, “see” me when they want to “see” me or when they need to “see” me. Apart from that, there is no difference between me and a brick wall, and I am   treated accordingly. For the first time in my life, I feel that I have been allotted to a “place” and if I step out of the boundaries of that “place”, punishment can range from frustration and humiliation to imprisonment and expulsion from the Country. I never thought that I would experience the confines of that “place” based on my gender. I always thought it would come to play because I am African American.

What now? I am very careful. Less ambitious about the contributions that I can make in Saudi. I expect nothing and demand even less.  However, I still believe that I have a mission here, and as such I will finish what I have started. 

Until next time,

Alex

My Weekends

It's Thursday for many of you, but for me it's the weekend. In most Arab countries the weekend is Thursday and Friday. Friday being equivalent to Sunday.

I'm still trying to figure out what these girls really want and what Saudi culture wants of them. It's interesting and frustrating at the same time.

It's interesting because it's new and gives me lots to think about, and it's frustrating because of the language barrier and because education is so much more than reading, writing and arithmetic. It  also entails respect, punctuality, listening and working well with others. It is so difficult to reinforce this to my students. They seem to want to brush everything off, but in the real world problems don't disappear and they are not solved by pouting or giggling.

As for me, I'm drained this week. My days are long, and it seems that everything that I do or say in the classroom is in vain. I'm also assessing my personal life. I know which road I want to travel career wise, but I would love to have a caring and sincere partner to take the journey with me. I am constantly wondering if he's out there, and is so, is he already in my life?......Things you think about when you're single and in Saudi....Anyway as always I will not be defeated. Faith, persistence and patience always yield great rewards!

Until next time,
Alex